a little about life

I know I haven't written on my blog for a very long time. And I wonder if people are even still coming here and looking in vain for a new entry.

God has been teaching me some lessons these past months... lessons about being a Mom, about life, about love (the true, unconditional kind), about how things and people are never what they seem, and about how He is really taking care of everything, if only I can take the blinders and worries from in front of my eyes and really see.

As such I've been pretty stressed out... and I also don't easily share what's deep in my heart. There are a select few who have been privy to the details throughout the years. When I'm feeling like this, almost like feeling too much, I have the habit of closing in, drawing up the gangplank and retreating behind my moat of small talk, rereading my comfort books like Pride and Prejudice and Harry Potter.

I sometimes wish I was more a "Timid Timothy" instead of a "Passionate Peter" (as someone once put it)... Peter who often opened his mouth and inserted his foot many times, Peter who presumed to know the Lord's will or even presumed to know what was better to do...and even told Him so on occasion... Peter had a painful lesson to learn and who knows, he might have had to struggle with this his whole life...

My mind knows that God my Father is taking care of me and my family and our lives, but my heart insists on questioning, worrying, wondering, struggling, presuming to know which is the better way and telling Him that...

So, I apologise for my absence the past months... and I hope you will understand...

And I wonder when the learning and the leaning will come easier...